The Las Vegas Courtesan

I hardly think so, but apparently to one girl it was her claim last night.

Had an appointment at a hotel with two other girls last night, one of which I’ve known for over a year and the other one I recognized from several years ago but don’t know as well. We arrived, collected a referral fee, and started talking about what they wanted to do. All three were international visitors and kept going on and on about how American girls are so surgical. How we don’t kiss and have so many rules we might as well be nurses with surgical gloves. I giggled at the statement and the main guy in charge then exclaimed, “So that’s why… we are going out to PARTY! It’s much better.. you girls like shopping? We can do that too!” The girl I know well, Corinne, started practically squeeling, “Oh please! I want to shop! Let’s figure things out before we go” and so the negotiations began…. and went on and on. I think the main guy used to sell used cars 30 years ago because he negotiated like one. Finally a cash advance is done and things are settled.

We go down to valet and look at the clock, it’s 10:40 and the Forum Shops close at 11. We some how grab a chartered SUV to take us quickly and the head guy says once we are in gridlock traffic on the Strip, “Aww sorry ladies looks like we wont make it.” Corinne squeels from the back of the Escalade, “No! We HAVE to go shopping! Oh it makes my pussy wet! I mean, as soon as I walk into Louis Vuitton I am DRIPPING.” Wow. I try to hold back my laughter since I have never heard her talk so frankly before, but deep down I know she has her items picked out in her head to get. The customer paused, “Well then we need to get moving!” and we hop out on the Strip and practically run to keep up with Corinne plowing down the sidewalk to the shop entrance. Somehow we made it in time, 2 minutes to spare for a quick shopping spree.

I need to start adding a surcharge for condoms… because this is getting ridiculous. I usually prepare myself for clients by stocking up on the large boxes of Trojan condoms at Costco or the cheaper Wal-Mart by my house because they are $9-$10 for the whole huge pack. When I run out in the middle of the night because customers are using 3+ condoms and somehow depleted my condom supply in a week? I have to resort to going to Walgreens on the Strip which ends up costing me $30 for the same pack or when I’m in a pinch, $5 for 3 condoms from the gift shop or convenience store. That money adds up!

So.. my conclusion is the first two condoms are free… use 3 and up? $100 surcharge. Haha. Ok so the math works out in my favor but dangit! I am tired of looking like a skank asking for condoms from Habib behind the counter, that weird lady in the gift shops, or shelling out the unnecessary $20 at Walgreens at 4am. I like to do my rubber shopping along with the rest of my shopping! Then maybe no one notices the 60+ condoms in my basket 🙂

So the hotel’s opening was pushed back not once, not twice but three or more times to New Years Eve. Even then it was only opened really for Jay-Z’s new club 40/40 to have its New Year’s event (and suddenly I realize I didn’t even see this club when walking through). The rooms were rumored to not be available until mid-January or later but hey! Come see our casino! And… well that’s about it.

The “grand opening” was last weekend (January 17-19th) and included a star studded event with Diana Ross, Seal and hosted by the Venetian’s Wayne Brady. The rooms (still not all of them) were available for booking and Barney’s New York opened the 19th.

Sometime in the past week I finally got a call to the Palazzo and I was excited! I drove into their underground garage totally forgetting the laws of cells phones and that they don’t work underground. “Ah well”, I thought, “I’ll just go to the casino”. Still no service. I had to walk practically out to the Strip by the lovely statue that looks like three women carved out of ice to make a call and get the information on the clients. That’s annoying. Me and another girl meet the customers to go upstairs and we walk by where an under construction gift shop is being put in… jackhammers pounding away and everything. We go up and both notice how nice the hallways are with etched mirrored glass and had cool blues and browns for the colors. When we were let in the door we both said, “wow looks almost the same as the Venetian main tower remodeled rooms”. The call doesn’t work out for me so I leave and went to wandering around the rest of the place.

So here are the pros to the place:
-The casino is nice and open instead of squished looking like the Venetian. The style is like the Wynn meets the cheaper local’s South Point Casino (which is not a compliment, by the way) but with a different color scheme.
-Love the colors and the original looking chandeliers
-I like how the garage escalators dump you out into the middle of the casino floor but isn’t obtrusive
-Liked the indoor waterfall and how it connects you to the Grand Canal Shops of the Venetian
-Liked the look of the lounge where they have live acts perform at night.

What I didn’t care for:
-Out of 50+ shops there are only about 3 open: Coach, Barney’s, and Farragamo. The rest is empty and … sad. Only the Grand Lux Café and Morel’s Steakhouse are open. It made the place look pathetic and half assed. Hall after hall of shops were closed, half done, or not done at all. When Steve Wynn opened his casino across the road every single high end shop and restaurant that was announced was open the first day the rest of the hotel was open. That’s classy. A half opened hotel just seems cheap.
-Jersey Boys the musical isn’t opening until April and the area around the theater looks like a disaster (which is by the main casino floor)
-The faux sky ceiling is overdone in Las Vegas. Caesars started it in the 90’s and every other casino has done it since… so… move on major resorts. Find something else original and not so cheesy looking.

-I sadly think it’s one of the worst looking buildings to come to the Strip. It looks like a big hospital to me. A big huge monolith with some faux cement blocks that make up the exterior to cover up the huge steel beams that they constructed the building from.

Ok I am done with my rant.

So the conclusion? Save some $ and stay at the Venetian sister property. The rooms are the same and the Palazzo is just a short walk away.