The Las Vegas Courtesan

This is kind of a funny story to me but may make others cringe. Let’s just say I learned my lesson…

I got a call from an agency last week and the phone girl sent me over to Hooters Hotel and Casino. I get the room information, get the company fee pretty quickly, and find out the guy is working with a small budget along (I think the company was going to make more than me!) but worked out a deal. The guy apologized knowing that he wasn’t going to be in for much but a hand job, but said it was all right since he was so extremely drunk he knew he would have some performance issues if sex was involved anyway. Worked out perfectly.

I put on a condom with lube in it and more lube on the outside and try to work some life back into his drunken dick. It eventually worked and he ended up finishing surprisingly. He kept complimenting me on how nice I was and how hot he thought I was but then when cleaning himself off his eyes got BIG. He yelps, “What WAS that you put on my dick?!?! Warming gel.. oh my god my dick is on FIRE” and hops up towards the bathroom. Suddenly he wasn’t drunk and was speaking in un-slurred English. What is he talking about? I hate warming lube and never use it. Then it dawns on me and my mind rewinds about 2 hours at home…

Earlier I was making myself some food to snack on for the week while I’m out on calls and have no time to stop to grab food. This snack includes me chopping up a fresh hot red fresno pepper finely to spice up my meal. A little forgotten fact is when you chop peppers those oils seep into your skin, hence my now burning client. Oh my what have I done. I totally had killed his buzz and whatever happiness was from ejaculating. When I realized my mistake explained he tried smiling but it was hard to do. Embarrassed, I left in more of a hurry. Lesson learned! Wear gloves when chopping peppers next time on a work night.

So, typically during the summer time it gets a little slower around town. Families come here for their vacations, the conventions are over, and everyone kind of moves a little slower like your shoes have tar on the bottom of them from the heat of the desert. I’m used to this season after working for several summers now, but this one just baffles me. Since the 4th of July it has gotten slow, and when I say slow I mean like the previous years usual slow months (typically September and December).  I am used to quite a few calls still coming in during the summer but people just aren’t big spenders…. This year? Not many calls at all and the one’s I am getting seem like every excuse in the book is used to not actually follow through with entertainment.

So what happens when it gets slow? Girls get bored and start making risky moves by soliciting in casinos they normally would have been afraid of just because everything else isn’t working out. Who else gets bored? Cops. In recent weeks I have hear a couple of insane stories and for once they weren’t just from dancers. They were from a valet guy at a very prominent high end Strip hotel.  This boredom of the men in black has now turned to the seriously innocent casino workers who struggle to keep their jobs every day and were trying to make a little extra tip money. Supposedly some girls drive up to valet attendants at Strip hotels and ask the valet guys for heads up if “the coast is clear” which to me is kind of silly because that’s really not trustworthy information in my opinion. Either way the word spread to the authorities and they had one of their female officers driving through to the valet asking if the “coast is clear” and if the valet gave the girl any information about a bust going on or not, the attendant was arrested. Right there at his job in front of God and the recording devices. Of course the employee would be fired and probably could never get a job at another Strip hotel again. What would a charge for that be? Aiding and abetting supposedly though it makes no sense because the employee would have no idea for sure what was going on inside of the casino pertaining to a bust or not. I hope they got a good lawyer and even so, that arrest alone would screw up their life. This story made me so mad when I heard it…

I just don’t get how these types of law enforcements are really doing anything for the general safety of the public. It’s a guy working the valet at a casino, not dealing drugs, not stealing and not kidnapping kids. So what is the big deal?

People constantly ask me, “What is the craziest thing you’ve ever seen or been asked to do?” Somehow this question is the second or third question in a group that I get asked a lot. Usually people’s first question or statement is, ”I bet you get a lot of fat ugly old men, huh?” followed by, “What if you show up and the guy is really disgusting?” and then comes the always popular, “I bet people ask you for some crazy stuff”.

As for the crazy requests, no I don’t get a whole lot of them. I seem to read blogs of girls who get more specific requests in their home city maybe because the guy is more comfortable there? I’m not sure what the reason is, but out of the 5 years I’ve been an escort, I don’t have an absurd number of off the wall requests to tell about (well except in emails I get quite a few but they don’t go happen since I think people fantasize more than follow through on the act). Anyway, onto the story!

A service called and said I was meeting another girl at the Imperial Palace for a bachelor party. When we walked in we were greeted by 10-12 young guys squished into one standard room at the hotel (quite small!) but immediately went to talking to the guy in charge away from the bachelor. We got the company fee out of the way and did our strip for the room full of anxious guys.  Once we were comfortable, we started talking about what kind of party they were interested in and what kind of budget they were working with.  They were on a tight budget but then the bachelor gets some crazy idea and says he has a thing with food. Food? He points to the pizzas they had left over from dinner and claimed, “It would be really hot if I could throw pizza toppings at your asses bent over on the bed”.  I was stumped… really? He replied with, “Yea I will pay one of you $100 bucks to do it”. The other girl was eager and yelled, “I will!” while I wasn’t too thrilled of pepperoni being flung at my cheeks. Everyone was laughing and giggling at the proposition while she got in position on the bed. I turned around to watch the crowd of guys while the bachelor did this because I had a sneaking suspicion of what their real plan was: record or take pictures as part of the joke.  I kept an eye and sure enough two guys were trying to hide behind each other and sneak cameras to take pictures of the funny action.

I pointed it out, “Ok guys … no photos please”. Immediately the bachelor stops mid throw and gets irate, “What do you mean no photos!? It’s my party!” and proceeds to get seriously pissed off at me and the other girl because we are so rude to ask for no photos to be taken. He yelled, “just GET OUT, just LEAVE”. My policy is you only have to ask me once to leave so we were out the door in a minute.   At the end I just giggled and thought who really wants to become the next YouTube sensation? I think we would pass!

So what would you do if you were an escort in a tourist city and when you call to get the information of a client, the girl who booked the call says the room number then says the first and last name of a person you know from your home state? I’m not talking about John Smith, nor something as extreme as Mach Klichenstiener …

This happened to me recently. I pulled into the Sahara hotel and the phone girl told me the name of a friend of mine from my home state. I paused… I could totally see this person visiting Las Vegas for a convention and getting the hair brained idea of calling a girl over. I called the room first to see what the guy sounded like since I can judge by the voice alone, but no one answered. I kind of froze because I knew I had to go knock on the door since the services are pretty strict on once you know the room information, they want you to go up to see if they are physically in the room.  I go upstairs, with my heart beating and knock on the door. Luckily no one still answered and she informed me the client was seriously drunk. Ah good. Luckily I have never run into someone I know from back home, but I have had other similar names come up but were really generic and thought nothing of it. So… if you were in my shoes, what would you do if you recognized a name?