The Las Vegas Courtesan

I got to venture out this past weekend to show up for the art show that was being put on by graduate student Lauren McCubbin and then wrote a guest blog for Richard Abowitz’s new site. Here’s another shot from the show since I can show more nudity on my site than his 🙂  (though I think pasties make it safe!)

I get asked this question quite a bit by nervous guys who feel like they are somehow inadequate to women and figure who better to ask than a girl who sees a lot of penises? I can see their reasoning’s why I might be a good person to ask….

I really started thinking about it when a Chinese guy in his early 20’s struck up a conversation while I was getting ready to leave.  He is going to school in the states for a few years and had observed some things, but was especially concerned about the discussion of penis size.  I think he had seen some pornographic movies since living here and asked, “So white men, they are like this long, huh?” and held up his hands to make a length of almost a FOOT. I almost died laughing watching him try to judge what he thought was the normal size of other men. Then he went on to say, “because I know… Chinese man is very small, huh?” I said to him that I don’t know what he watched or what he was judging it on, but if he was basing it on watching porno movies since living in the US then he shouldn’t be so concerned. I think the men that are in said movies are approximately 2% of the population and since they seem to last longer sometimes (I know they do several shots and takes to make it seem like they come once an hour) I think the size + stamina drops the stats down even further.  Maybe I am wrong, but I very very rarely see men who could audition for some sort of porn movie role.  Sounds crazy but true.

The average client I see has a penis between the length of 4-6 inches. The typical stamina of clients is fairly quick, which goes along with some statistics I read that the average man lasts 4-6 minutes. I think sometimes things last longer, here in Vegas, just because of the amount of drinking and partying that people do and THEN decide to call a prostitute. Usually those people can’t finish or get it up. I can usually tell this is going to happen within the first 2 minutes of starting to entertain a guy. Back to penis size though… I know a lot of people will disagree with my numbers but here’s my theory: maybe men who are significantly larger have more self confidence and they don’t feel the need to use the services of a prostitute or maybe they feel like they have something to prove and won’t use their services.  The one thing that shocks me the most though is the number of men who look like their penis was marred by a bad circumcision.  I see quite a few that point weird directions, come to a small point like a rocket, have super skinny shafts but a big mushroom head or vice versa, and the most painful of all: are hooked almost as much as Gonzo’s nose on the Muppets.

Either way, I hope I dismissed some myths and I know I definitely gave a little more confidence to the Chinese student by assuring him that he was normal and don’t worry about competing with the porn stars.

Unfortunately I haven’t seen this stripper-mobile running around town but I got a good laugh when I saw it on the front page of the Las Vegas Sun website today. Of course county commissioners are freaking out, motorists are loving it, and the cops are shrugging their shoulders saying, “Who cares?” I am *for once* with Metro on this one. If they have the proper permit for having a mobile advertising truck and the girls are obviously not wearing anything scandalous (I’ve seen a hundred times worse at a Rehab pool party at the Hard Rock), they roll the truck at night and keep it out of neighborhoods, then really what’s the big deal?? I might not wear my highest stripper heels but I am sure the girls are smart enough to do that….

Roll on, Deja Vu!

Photo By Leila Navidi

So you did it! You finally got the courage up and called one of those cards on the Strip a site from the Internet and decided that the fee sounded good and you told the girl or agency to send you someone.  A lot of people are nervous when they have to meet a girl and don’t know what to do or how to act. People are especially worried when the hotel they are staying at requires the guest to have someone pick them up downstairs and show a room key.  Hopefully I can give some good pointers on how you should and should NOT greet your date.

Sometimes when I meet with people downstairs their manners make me cringe and want to hide in a hole. By way of examples, some things you shouldn’t do:

Don’t greet your girl with a handshake

This sounds so obvious but so so many times when I find the guy who I am meeting he sticks out his hand to shake mine. I have to do a polite grabbing of the hand and pulling him close for a hug because I am supposed to “know” this person not just meeting them and going straight upstairs.  It looks so obvious and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.   What should you do? Go to the girl and maybe give a small hug, or say, “Hi how are you? Did you have fun tonight?” or something else that makes it seem like we know each other.

Don’t ask the girl in a loud boisterous voice, “Are you so-and so!?”

It’s okay to make sure you have the right girl, but keep your voice down and be a little more discreet. Also don’t introduce yourself as, “Hi, I’m John it’s so nice to meet you” for the same reasons as above.  Save the introductions for in the room behind closed doors. There will be plenty of time getting to know each other once you get upstairs.

Don’t ever ever bring up money downstairs

Another one that should be obvious but happens a lot –  If you are confused on fees and such, just take the time and ask the girl in private once you are upstairs your room. This will save a lot of embarrassment for both you and the girl.

If you don’t like the girl don’t make a big scene about it downstairs

If you asked for a tall hot blonde and the agency was foolish by sending you a short Hispanic girl, for example, don’t make a scene about it (especially in front of security at the elevators). Either take a walk with her and explain in a low voice you were looking for a different type of girl or politely take her upstairs and explain. By taking her upstairs you can explain what you want more clearly, and if you feel so inclined, giving her gas/taxi money would be polite as well. Girls just go where they were told to go by the phone girls and usually have no idea what request you gave to the agency, so don’t take it out on the escort. She is usually just as confused or upset as you are, as her time has been wasted too… just like yours has.

One thing you definitely should do:

Give the girl on the phone (when you must get them downstairs) a good description of what you look like and get a good description of the girl.. maybe even change clothes so you don’t look like everyone else wearing a black shirt and jeans. This makes it easy for both parties to meet in a timely manner, reduces any confusion, and most importantly helps keep everything very discreet and professional.

I hope this helps some people when getting a girl in Vegas from an agency or the Internet. It’s okay if you don’t know how things work but understanding these pointers helps a lot so no one feels embarrassed!