The Las Vegas Courtesan

The first rule to having a happy and successful bachelor party is knowing your attendees. This makes a huge difference in how you should plan accordingly because every party is different and a lot of parties end up in disaster due to lack of communication, among other things. Which brings me to the tweet I made that some people wanted me to elaborate (plus I have received a lot of emails lately wanting party advice):

“I really have a hard time dealing with the stress of bachelor parties these days. I’m so good at predicting outcomes it makes me nervous.”

I have been to so many parties over the years, I’m sure the number is way up there. The success rate of bachelor parties (or really any group of guys over 4), is much lower than the success rate of a call that has one guy or two. We typically look forward to the individual guys calling and somewhat groan when we hear it’s a party. Why? Here’s a little top three list of reasons:

1) Too many cooks in the kitchen:

There are 2+ girls, and a bunch of guys. Typically one guy has called or a couple of guys had some lightbulb moment and decided to plan the party. We try to talk to those people alone and away from the other guys. The reason is so that there is less confusion explaining things to a room full of drunk, rowdy men and to save our voices because usually instructions would be yelled. This also saves my patience and any other girls when we have to repeat ourselves 400 times to each guy, who mostly aren’t listening anyway. Even though we take these precautions, every guy ends up wanting to be the boss and dictating how things are going to go. So far all of this explaining has eaten up 30 minutes of our time to make sure there is no confusion. See my post on how agencies really work  to understand why we don’t want there to be any misunderstandings after a fee is collected.

2) We want the fee back!:

Once an agency fee is collected and called in, it is non-refundable. This is the part that stresses me out the very most. If we “check in” to a call and then the money is handed back, then we are therefore responsible for the money out of our own pocket. Yes, that sucks immensely. Some companies understand more and don’t make girls pay it back, but some are very strict about this policy. Really, I hate a conflict or disagreement, so that’s why I try to explain everything fully to clients and only work for agencies that I know explain things correctly on the phone. Clients only listen to half or none of what the girl says on the phone, so I try to repeat everything fully to make sure. People demanding back the fee is a rare occurrence for me now, but that thought and stress is still there in the back of my mind.

3) Problems, problems, problems:

Bachelor parties are the number one type of call where problems happen, and guys turn into some sort of irate animals. This is somewhere between what psychologists call “groupthink” and animal pack behavior. Most guys are having a good time, then a couple are just unsatisfied with whatever is going on usually alcohol induced (also, usually the person who spent the least amount of money or none at all), and their dissatisfaction spreads throughout the group until it’s a full-on mutiny. The emotions spread and turns into a mob against the girls. I’ve been around so many situations I can usually tell almost immediately if the party will be a problem or not. This intuition is great to have, but makes me nervous when I see how things might become a problem.

So, how do you make sure your bachelor party won’t turn into a disaster? Here are some good pointers:

1) Know your attendees:

Like I said before this makes all of the difference. If you have a larger group of guys and a couple of them can spend decent money, but the rest are complaining about $7 beers, then you might want to consider a strip club. The club can pick your party up for free, they have a two drink minimum, and each guy can pitch in what they want (if they want). Large groups of guys sometimes split up into smaller groups during these trips, so sometimes it’s better to group up the guys who are willing to pitch in for the bachelor and not be party duds. This way you have a group of guys that really want a good show and won’t complain about spending more than $40

2) Don’t try to invite every friend since kindergarten:

The larger the bachelor party, the more hectic and chaotic it gets. The most fun parties I have been to were between 4-7 guys. Everyone gets more time with each girl for dances, everyone isn’t squished like sardines in a room, and we don’t have to yell over every drunk in the room to explain anything. Things go more smoothly and overall people have a better time as a group. We get to know guys and interact with each one on a more personal basis as well. The money is a little more per person, but in the end the money goes further.

3) Way more interactive:

The in-room experience is definitely way more interactive with touching, games, and embarrassing the bachelor (clubs just don’t do the embarrassing stage shows in town anymore), but it is never cheaper than a club. This is a HUGE misconception with guys. They think the strip club girls are expensive and we work for singles. That logic makes no sense! Agency fees are in the hundreds alone, and strippers in the clubs already make on average 2-3 dances for $100, $400 for half an hour and $800+ for an hour. There is no way we’d be doing so much more for ones and fives. The difference is we can play more games and be more personable than clubs.

4) Be organized!:

Have the agency fee ready, have a decent amount of money per guy collected on top of the fee, and don’t go exchange all of your cash for ones! Keep some small bills for playing games with the bachelor, but please please pretty please don’t go exchange everything out in ones. The casino cashiers usually won’t take them back, and we get the biggest “Okay, stripper” eye roll.

Hopefully these tips helped everyone just in time for those people planning trips before the spring wedding rush. Las Vegas is definitely a bachelor party Mecca, so plan accordingly to your group to make it the best trip. There’s a party for everyone here I think.
Here’s also to a good 2012 and my first post of the new year.

I love getting questions to my email and responding as best as I can to them, but it seems like more and more lately I have been getting questions from guys and girls about STD risks and their concerns. With recent fantasy bloggers who post unsafe sex practices while claiming to be real sex workers, I feel like the community needs to be better informed and educated to help protect themselves when seeing providers in the future. It seems like I have to also teach other girls locally in the industry of what are good safe sex practices even if they are only giving oral or a manual release. When I explain to clients at the beginning of the session what my simple rules are, it shocks me sometimes how many people scoff at my two rule list: no kissing and no touching of my genitals or oral on me (well, touching of breasts is okay). They roll their eyes, cry out “why?!”, and very rarely, I even have clients who cancel outright immediately and end the session over this. So I’d like to explain more on here why I have these rules, and why you should have these rules, as well, when experimenting with anyone. By the way, I will only cite references to the CDC.gov website. It’s commonly cited within medical references and journals for all of the information on sexually transmitted diseases and isn’t open to user generated content like Wikipedia, so at least in theory, it’s rock solid science (government and politics aside.)

It seems like some clients feel justified with getting a sexual act done without a condom by paying more. No price justifies something that could potentially harm your own health and is incurable, even something like oral sex. Both HPV and Herpes (HSV-1) can be readily transmitted through oral-genital contact. This is why it is important to use condoms or dental dam when performing or receiving oral from partners. I also learned something while researching this topic: you shouldn’t use silicone-based lubricants with dental dams. Herpes HSV-1 is more commonly known as fever blisters, but can be transmitted orally while HSV-2 is associated with blisters on the genital area. Both forms of the herpes virus are incurable and medications can only reduce the outbreaks. Also, a person with herpes can increase their susceptibility to the HIV/AIDS virus due to open sores.  HPV is highly transmittable through oral and even genital-to-genital contact without penetration. Also there has been relation between head and neck cancers being linked to HPV when contracted orally… even in this study on couples in which one partner had a form of the human papillomavirus. In the study they tracked the spread of the disease between the two partners. One study notes one case of contracting HPV between scrotum and anus — just from the skin-to-skin contact.  I always make my clients wash up beforehand to hopefully reduce the risk of this form of contracting the disease even though I avidly use condoms for any sexual contact. This is why on my Twitter a week or so ago I commented on this status update from Angiewa about a prank call she received. Looking at it now doesn’t seem like much of a prank!

This type of contact brings me onto hepatitis. All of the forms of hepatitis can be linked either to bodily fluids and fecal matter. The back door is not too far from the areas we commonly come in contact with sexually which makes it more important to wash up and use protection even during oral stimulation. You can read more on Hepatitis A-E (I didn’t even know there were that many!) here.

Gonorrhea and Chlamydia are very common sexually transmitted diseases, of course, and can be contracted orally. Since the bacterial infection of Chlamydia is sometimes a silent one, people can easily go undiagnosed for years. Chlamydia can even be found in the throats of women and men who have sex with an infected partner. In gonorrhea, the bacteria can grow in the cervix, uterus, and the urethra of both men and women. It can also grow in the mouth, throat, eyes, and anus. I found this information about gonorrhea when I took the sexual education class after being arrested years ago and it only confirmed my concerns about kissing and contact even via hand.

Of course last but not least is the importance of preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS. Since so many people know how the transmission of this autoimmune disease is spread, I think it’s what most people use condoms to protect themselves from yet don’t realize there are a slew of other STDs that are so easily transmittable.

Now, I know I am not a doctor nor am I person in the medical field, but I feel like more people need to be better educated of the many ways that STDs can be transmitted and how they are not just transmitted through vaginal penetration, like many believe. I hate to roll out the list of diseases that can be communicable through oral contact when a client wants to argue about my safety rules, but they need to know and educate themselves even if it’s an uneasy topic in the middle of a session. No price nor gift will sway me to change my rules and I hope it will only benefit others to be more aware of the spread of disease.

As far as my personal health goes, being safe has worked for me, and I believe it will work for all of you, too.

I was fairly pleased with the outcome of CES this year. It was so slow before then that I was starting to worry about the start of the new year. I know that in years past when I have been here for CES I was quite disappointed, but this year it put a little pep in my step.

I had noticed a ton more girls freelancing in the casinos and the variety that seems sort of out of place for the usual Vegas prostitutes. I had some image in my head of a venturesome group of pimps in Southern California who thought it would be a good idea to pack up their girls in airport shuttle vans and take them all to Las Vegas for the convention weekend and drop them off.  Another thing I wondered as I watched two girls walking around in matching gold hot pants/romper outfits who were definitely porn stars, was “How many of these porn star girls or porn groupies get arrested by vice because they are being overly sexual yet breaking no laws?”  Haven’t heard or read any figures on that one but if I do I will definitely post them.  I am sure there are quite a few mix-ups and the porn girls get mistaken for prostitutes.

So I had posted an update on my Twitter about being amazed at people who are so in the dark about basic sexual education or human interaction. The client was a conventioneer visiting from a New England state but had moved to the US from India 7 years ago.  He first started by replying to my greeting of, “Hi, How are you?” with, “How much are your services”? Since I was there for an agency I had to slow him down, collect the agency fee first, and then move on from there. He reluctantly gave me the fee since he assumed I was having sex for the agencies money. Then after he stripped down and I stripped down he was all over me like a kid in a candy store. I had to calm him down since he was getting way too carried away, grabbing forcefully, and looked like he was about to lick me like a dog.  He calmed down, apologized for being excited (which is okay of course!), got to talking about entertainment and what budget he wanted to work with.  Right off the bat he was asking for almost two hours of full service for barely over what the company was making (which I think was around $100). I said I would be more than happy to please him but his demands were way off. He finally understood why his money wasn’t buying so much but said that was okay, he liked me too much for me to go.

Excellent!

So I excused myself to the restroom and he followed me saying, “Do you have to pee? Can I watch? I want to see!” and was forcing the bathroom door open as I was trying to close it. I explained that would not be included with what he paid, he sighed and went back to the room. After I finished, I told him it was his turn to clean up since his terrible comb over was matted with oil from not washing it and deemed a good rinse off.

So… as for the actual entertainment it went quickly and was minimal, but what got me afterwards were his questions. This poor guy was completely lost. He first asked me about my “vagina”, as he put it politely. He asked, “Where do girls pee from? Is that what the clitoris is for? I have heard about it feeling good”.  I was shocked but didn’t want to make him feel bad for being uneducated and explained what the clitoris was for and how we peed from underneath. His next question was about dating. He asked, “How do I date? What do girls like?”  I had to answer this question carefully because he was in desperate need of a haircut (I say shave it all off don’t mess with what little hair you have left!), had a huge long beard I could tell was tucked like most Indian men who are Sikh (but he claimed he wasn’t), and needed some brow trimming (had one brow, not two!). I told him he should go out, find someone good, and treat himself to a day of pampering. I told him girls like guys who are confident and who take care of themselves so treat yourself well and maybe get a new more confident look. He was happy with my suggestions and went on to ask, “So where do I find dates?”  I kind of giggled at the question but really had no clue.  I only gave him the suggestion of staying away from bars and he thought maybe the internet would be better.

Did I mention this guy was almost 40?

It shocked me at the time that he would be so uneducated and opened my eyes more to how other cultures treat sex education as a sin and avoid it almost completely. Hope my suggestions helped!

I get asked this question quite a bit by nervous guys who feel like they are somehow inadequate to women and figure who better to ask than a girl who sees a lot of penises? I can see their reasoning’s why I might be a good person to ask….

I really started thinking about it when a Chinese guy in his early 20’s struck up a conversation while I was getting ready to leave.  He is going to school in the states for a few years and had observed some things, but was especially concerned about the discussion of penis size.  I think he had seen some pornographic movies since living here and asked, “So white men, they are like this long, huh?” and held up his hands to make a length of almost a FOOT. I almost died laughing watching him try to judge what he thought was the normal size of other men. Then he went on to say, “because I know… Chinese man is very small, huh?” I said to him that I don’t know what he watched or what he was judging it on, but if he was basing it on watching porno movies since living in the US then he shouldn’t be so concerned. I think the men that are in said movies are approximately 2% of the population and since they seem to last longer sometimes (I know they do several shots and takes to make it seem like they come once an hour) I think the size + stamina drops the stats down even further.  Maybe I am wrong, but I very very rarely see men who could audition for some sort of porn movie role.  Sounds crazy but true.

The average client I see has a penis between the length of 4-6 inches. The typical stamina of clients is fairly quick, which goes along with some statistics I read that the average man lasts 4-6 minutes. I think sometimes things last longer, here in Vegas, just because of the amount of drinking and partying that people do and THEN decide to call a prostitute. Usually those people can’t finish or get it up. I can usually tell this is going to happen within the first 2 minutes of starting to entertain a guy. Back to penis size though… I know a lot of people will disagree with my numbers but here’s my theory: maybe men who are significantly larger have more self confidence and they don’t feel the need to use the services of a prostitute or maybe they feel like they have something to prove and won’t use their services.  The one thing that shocks me the most though is the number of men who look like their penis was marred by a bad circumcision.  I see quite a few that point weird directions, come to a small point like a rocket, have super skinny shafts but a big mushroom head or vice versa, and the most painful of all: are hooked almost as much as Gonzo’s nose on the Muppets.

Either way, I hope I dismissed some myths and I know I definitely gave a little more confidence to the Chinese student by assuring him that he was normal and don’t worry about competing with the porn stars.