The Las Vegas Courtesan

Really? I have been here in Vegas the whole time. When I first started out blogging I remember following other sex-worker bloggers and I noticed how some would post every day, then only sometimes, and eventually fall off the face of the earth. No good-bye, just abandon their site.

I didn’t understand how that could happen, but I guess it happened to me, in a way. I still work, I’m still around town, I just… got a little bored with being online so much. Reading emails, replying, posting stuff, tweeting… it can be a lot of work and you don’t realize it—then other parts of your normal day get sidelined because you want to finish all of the other things as well. What I have been thinking is… I need a goal. Everyone needs a goal! Why am I doing this? I have been featured in many awesome publications and online sites, but I need something to fulfill my inner artist: Do something artistic… working towards a goal that many people and my long-time fans would enjoy.

So my idea? A book. Not just any book, but one that would feature stunning nudes and short stories to accompany them. I know many have told me over the years that I should write a book, but some novel length feature doesn’t interest me. So I am going to put some ideas together — a plan — and a maybe a Kickstarter-like project to get this sort of thing underway. I should have done this long ago!

And now… a picture! At last! So the story behind this quick shot was a funny one. I recently was sitting outside with a short skirt on at an outdoor restaurant with some chrome chairs that had holes in the seat. I sat chatting away for a few hours, but little did I know that the heat and sweat and gravity had pulled my skin through the little holes. It didn’t hurt at all, but the next day I turned around while getting out of the shower and thought “OH MY GOD” and imagined only the worst skin desease ever was attacking my butt. Then I realized, it was that dumb uncomfortable chair I sat in the night before that wanted something for me to remember it by. Sneaky chair!

I started writing this on vacation on a text file on my phone because it struck me in some random place in the world one thing that I love about my job: freedom.

I forget if it was in an email or on twitter reply, but one person asked me a “what if” question: What if you quit working, what would you miss the most about your job?

This. I would miss this. Being able to take a vacation and then extend it for whatever amount of time that I wanted. Go wherever I wanted and no one calling me saying I have to get back to work. I had one phonegirl call me since I left to see how was my vacation, I sent her an expensive text back saying that I’m fine and will be back who knows when. I’m off to explore the world.

I would miss not having to tell or explain to people where when or why I am going somewhere, for an extended amount of time. Put in notices in advance to someone or clients (if I owned my own company). There is nothing right now holding me back from going anywhere at anytime when I want. I don’t have to wait for a paycheck when I get back to reset or if I went over vacation days. When I get back I can work and earn immediately.

I know since I’ve been gone one girl was going to leave Vegas and go find a job (adding: I found out since returning that she really has moved on,) in another state and live with relatives. I asked her the same question: What are you going to miss the most? She said the work schedule and making up her own time slots that she preferred. She liked working the swing shift, 5pm to about midnight. She took off when she wanted to spend time at home and always took off Sundays. She has a strong personality and she was concerned that she wouldn’t do well with the sudden change of having a real boss and job where she didn’t earn much. Also the change of earning a paycheck that came after a certain time, not just cash-in-hand. These are some of the same things that would worry me, but I know she could do it and glad she is… best of luck to her.

Now I am back, it’s been hard to be motivated to get back to work. I am feeling better, but the change back to heat and the worst case of jet lag I have ever had (I’m guessing it’s because I was gone for so long,) I’m sure I’ll get back in the swing of things tonight or tomorrow. Now that I think of it, preferably tomorrow because I don’t know if I can deal with the drunken pool party goers on Sundays who have stayed awake since Friday night. Tomorrow it is.

It’s seems like it’s more rare for me to be asked something new or to have a call go a different way than the many before. I always like the calls that surprise me and break up the monotony of this job (believe it or not it can get quite boring!) I went on a call in the afternoon at Planet Hollywood. The phone girl had a story before I went in. For the record I don’t like story–telling time before I go on calls because that means there is some excuse or convoluted situation that I have to work around instead of an easy “Here’s the info,” now go upstairs and make money.  The story was the guy in the room does not know I am coming and was booked by another friend as I surprise, but the guy who booked left money in the room for me. Left money in the room for me? Where? How does he know what to leave? I’m assuming he only left the company fee in the room and I’m going on a treasure hunt just to find it. Then this creates an awkward situation for me when I have to explain, “Yea that money your friend left doesn’t go to me, I strip for that, anything else you must pay for,” which sounds like a total bummer of a surprise. This whole mental conversation takes note before I ask the phone girl, “Left money for me? Where? Did the friend know how this works?” She says, “He said he’s been to Vegas before and I have no idea about the location of the money.” See, this is why I don’t like story time before calls.

I go upstairs and knock. Guy has a surprised look on his face, but is on the phone when I come in. He finishes his business conversation while handing me the folded piece of paper marked, “Give this to delivery guy.” Inside is the company fee, nothing more. See, this is what I feared! He finally gets off the phone and I said, “Surprise! I’m your delivery!” he was definitely shocked and yet happy (some surprises have sort of panicked and declined.) He said, “My brother said I had a delivery for my birthday, but I had no idea!” He goes to his computer bag and pulls out a card that says on the front, “Open this when delivery guy gets there.” I cross my fingers that some sort of tip is in there from brother-of-the-year. He asks, “Should I open this now? He said to when you got here.” Yes yes YES! He does, and thankfully a decent tip is in there. Brother scores some points for knowing really how this works and not $30 in an envelope. The now shaking birthday boy says, “Man, I need a drink. So I get to have fun with you now, naked?” Yes, and then some.

Here’s the real surprise to me, this whole time I thought the brother was staying in Vegas as well, but in a different room or different hotel. Come to find out he wasn’t even in the US. The brother had stopped by his house the night before and stuffed the card and message in his laptop bag, then informed him of it later. That was one talented planning job, and probably more than any other call before.

The first rule to having a happy and successful bachelor party is knowing your attendees. This makes a huge difference in how you should plan accordingly because every party is different and a lot of parties end up in disaster due to lack of communication, among other things. Which brings me to the tweet I made that some people wanted me to elaborate (plus I have received a lot of emails lately wanting party advice):

“I really have a hard time dealing with the stress of bachelor parties these days. I’m so good at predicting outcomes it makes me nervous.”

I have been to so many parties over the years, I’m sure the number is way up there. The success rate of bachelor parties (or really any group of guys over 4), is much lower than the success rate of a call that has one guy or two. We typically look forward to the individual guys calling and somewhat groan when we hear it’s a party. Why? Here’s a little top three list of reasons:

1) Too many cooks in the kitchen:

There are 2+ girls, and a bunch of guys. Typically one guy has called or a couple of guys had some lightbulb moment and decided to plan the party. We try to talk to those people alone and away from the other guys. The reason is so that there is less confusion explaining things to a room full of drunk, rowdy men and to save our voices because usually instructions would be yelled. This also saves my patience and any other girls when we have to repeat ourselves 400 times to each guy, who mostly aren’t listening anyway. Even though we take these precautions, every guy ends up wanting to be the boss and dictating how things are going to go. So far all of this explaining has eaten up 30 minutes of our time to make sure there is no confusion. See my post on how agencies really work  to understand why we don’t want there to be any misunderstandings after a fee is collected.

2) We want the fee back!:

Once an agency fee is collected and called in, it is non-refundable. This is the part that stresses me out the very most. If we “check in” to a call and then the money is handed back, then we are therefore responsible for the money out of our own pocket. Yes, that sucks immensely. Some companies understand more and don’t make girls pay it back, but some are very strict about this policy. Really, I hate a conflict or disagreement, so that’s why I try to explain everything fully to clients and only work for agencies that I know explain things correctly on the phone. Clients only listen to half or none of what the girl says on the phone, so I try to repeat everything fully to make sure. People demanding back the fee is a rare occurrence for me now, but that thought and stress is still there in the back of my mind.

3) Problems, problems, problems:

Bachelor parties are the number one type of call where problems happen, and guys turn into some sort of irate animals. This is somewhere between what psychologists call “groupthink” and animal pack behavior. Most guys are having a good time, then a couple are just unsatisfied with whatever is going on usually alcohol induced (also, usually the person who spent the least amount of money or none at all), and their dissatisfaction spreads throughout the group until it’s a full-on mutiny. The emotions spread and turns into a mob against the girls. I’ve been around so many situations I can usually tell almost immediately if the party will be a problem or not. This intuition is great to have, but makes me nervous when I see how things might become a problem.

So, how do you make sure your bachelor party won’t turn into a disaster? Here are some good pointers:

1) Know your attendees:

Like I said before this makes all of the difference. If you have a larger group of guys and a couple of them can spend decent money, but the rest are complaining about $7 beers, then you might want to consider a strip club. The club can pick your party up for free, they have a two drink minimum, and each guy can pitch in what they want (if they want). Large groups of guys sometimes split up into smaller groups during these trips, so sometimes it’s better to group up the guys who are willing to pitch in for the bachelor and not be party duds. This way you have a group of guys that really want a good show and won’t complain about spending more than $40

2) Don’t try to invite every friend since kindergarten:

The larger the bachelor party, the more hectic and chaotic it gets. The most fun parties I have been to were between 4-7 guys. Everyone gets more time with each girl for dances, everyone isn’t squished like sardines in a room, and we don’t have to yell over every drunk in the room to explain anything. Things go more smoothly and overall people have a better time as a group. We get to know guys and interact with each one on a more personal basis as well. The money is a little more per person, but in the end the money goes further.

3) Way more interactive:

The in-room experience is definitely way more interactive with touching, games, and embarrassing the bachelor (clubs just don’t do the embarrassing stage shows in town anymore), but it is never cheaper than a club. This is a HUGE misconception with guys. They think the strip club girls are expensive and we work for singles. That logic makes no sense! Agency fees are in the hundreds alone, and strippers in the clubs already make on average 2-3 dances for $100, $400 for half an hour and $800+ for an hour. There is no way we’d be doing so much more for ones and fives. The difference is we can play more games and be more personable than clubs.

4) Be organized!:

Have the agency fee ready, have a decent amount of money per guy collected on top of the fee, and don’t go exchange all of your cash for ones! Keep some small bills for playing games with the bachelor, but please please pretty please don’t go exchange everything out in ones. The casino cashiers usually won’t take them back, and we get the biggest “Okay, stripper” eye roll.

Hopefully these tips helped everyone just in time for those people planning trips before the spring wedding rush. Las Vegas is definitely a bachelor party Mecca, so plan accordingly to your group to make it the best trip. There’s a party for everyone here I think.
Here’s also to a good 2012 and my first post of the new year.