The Las Vegas Courtesan

The first rule to having a happy and successful bachelor party is knowing your attendees. This makes a huge difference in how you should plan accordingly because every party is different and a lot of parties end up in disaster due to lack of communication, among other things. Which brings me to the tweet I made that some people wanted me to elaborate (plus I have received a lot of emails lately wanting party advice):

“I really have a hard time dealing with the stress of bachelor parties these days. I’m so good at predicting outcomes it makes me nervous.”

I have been to so many parties over the years, I’m sure the number is way up there. The success rate of bachelor parties (or really any group of guys over 4), is much lower than the success rate of a call that has one guy or two. We typically look forward to the individual guys calling and somewhat groan when we hear it’s a party. Why? Here’s a little top three list of reasons:

1) Too many cooks in the kitchen:

There are 2+ girls, and a bunch of guys. Typically one guy has called or a couple of guys had some lightbulb moment and decided to plan the party. We try to talk to those people alone and away from the other guys. The reason is so that there is less confusion explaining things to a room full of drunk, rowdy men and to save our voices because usually instructions would be yelled. This also saves my patience and any other girls when we have to repeat ourselves 400 times to each guy, who mostly aren’t listening anyway. Even though we take these precautions, every guy ends up wanting to be the boss and dictating how things are going to go. So far all of this explaining has eaten up 30 minutes of our time to make sure there is no confusion. See my post on how agencies really work  to understand why we don’t want there to be any misunderstandings after a fee is collected.

2) We want the fee back!:

Once an agency fee is collected and called in, it is non-refundable. This is the part that stresses me out the very most. If we “check in” to a call and then the money is handed back, then we are therefore responsible for the money out of our own pocket. Yes, that sucks immensely. Some companies understand more and don’t make girls pay it back, but some are very strict about this policy. Really, I hate a conflict or disagreement, so that’s why I try to explain everything fully to clients and only work for agencies that I know explain things correctly on the phone. Clients only listen to half or none of what the girl says on the phone, so I try to repeat everything fully to make sure. People demanding back the fee is a rare occurrence for me now, but that thought and stress is still there in the back of my mind.

3) Problems, problems, problems:

Bachelor parties are the number one type of call where problems happen, and guys turn into some sort of irate animals. This is somewhere between what psychologists call “groupthink” and animal pack behavior. Most guys are having a good time, then a couple are just unsatisfied with whatever is going on usually alcohol induced (also, usually the person who spent the least amount of money or none at all), and their dissatisfaction spreads throughout the group until it’s a full-on mutiny. The emotions spread and turns into a mob against the girls. I’ve been around so many situations I can usually tell almost immediately if the party will be a problem or not. This intuition is great to have, but makes me nervous when I see how things might become a problem.

So, how do you make sure your bachelor party won’t turn into a disaster? Here are some good pointers:

1) Know your attendees:

Like I said before this makes all of the difference. If you have a larger group of guys and a couple of them can spend decent money, but the rest are complaining about $7 beers, then you might want to consider a strip club. The club can pick your party up for free, they have a two drink minimum, and each guy can pitch in what they want (if they want). Large groups of guys sometimes split up into smaller groups during these trips, so sometimes it’s better to group up the guys who are willing to pitch in for the bachelor and not be party duds. This way you have a group of guys that really want a good show and won’t complain about spending more than $40

2) Don’t try to invite every friend since kindergarten:

The larger the bachelor party, the more hectic and chaotic it gets. The most fun parties I have been to were between 4-7 guys. Everyone gets more time with each girl for dances, everyone isn’t squished like sardines in a room, and we don’t have to yell over every drunk in the room to explain anything. Things go more smoothly and overall people have a better time as a group. We get to know guys and interact with each one on a more personal basis as well. The money is a little more per person, but in the end the money goes further.

3) Way more interactive:

The in-room experience is definitely way more interactive with touching, games, and embarrassing the bachelor (clubs just don’t do the embarrassing stage shows in town anymore), but it is never cheaper than a club. This is a HUGE misconception with guys. They think the strip club girls are expensive and we work for singles. That logic makes no sense! Agency fees are in the hundreds alone, and strippers in the clubs already make on average 2-3 dances for $100, $400 for half an hour and $800+ for an hour. There is no way we’d be doing so much more for ones and fives. The difference is we can play more games and be more personable than clubs.

4) Be organized!:

Have the agency fee ready, have a decent amount of money per guy collected on top of the fee, and don’t go exchange all of your cash for ones! Keep some small bills for playing games with the bachelor, but please please pretty please don’t go exchange everything out in ones. The casino cashiers usually won’t take them back, and we get the biggest “Okay, stripper” eye roll.

Hopefully these tips helped everyone just in time for those people planning trips before the spring wedding rush. Las Vegas is definitely a bachelor party Mecca, so plan accordingly to your group to make it the best trip. There’s a party for everyone here I think.
Here’s also to a good 2012 and my first post of the new year.

Every so often I get emails, comments on Twitter, or read comments on articles that I was featured in that really come across as hateful or in general sex worker bashing. (Oh, like that’s really anything new.) Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion of prostitution and I respect that 1st Amendment right, however, it seems that since I am a sex worker then I am not entitled to my own opinion or to share my point of view of my line of work with others. Like I glorify it on here only speaking half truths, and maybe I really must hate myself, have Daddy issues, and was really forced into this line of work. Well, none of that’s true (I know the cynics will be disappointed!)

Since I stay up quite late at night, I typically wake up in time for lunch and sometimes eat out at places frequented by local corporate workers in their lunch breaks. I sit in a booth or table nearby and can’t help but hearing their ongoing, mundane conversations. Sometimes I don’t want to hear them, but that’s just too bad because I will be subjected to the woman bellowing out her latest bellyache about some other female employee or some other random drama back at the office. I sit there and I think to myself, is this what the average, anti-sex worker person wants me to do? Be just as miserable as this woman at her boring, dead-end corporate job? Who can’t even relax at a nice lunch for an hour and talk about anything else, maybe even something that’s nice and pleasant? I mean these people I listen to are average Joe corporate America with a “real” job where they go to some office for a set number of hours a day for a set number of days a week. All they can go on about is how they can screw over their boss or company (or government), instead of relaxing during that one hour off to eat. I sit there and think to myself, “If I had that job I would be so miserable and feel so trapped,” and yet in my current job I don’t ever feel that way. I don’t feel trapped, I don’t feel miserable, and I can’t beat making my own shedule. I know “they” all want me to feel that way, or “they” want me to come out and admit that my life is a wreck, but it isn’t, and I won’t ever let it be that way. Of course I have friends that really enjoy their jobs at corporations and the line of work they are in, and I am happy for anyone else who enjoys their job at the same type of place… It’s just not for me.

I had talked previously in a post about the dark side of prostitution and how it sickens me what people to do others with trafficking. There definitely are girls that need to be helped and pimps that need to be prosecuted for forcing anyone into prostitution. Yes, there is a dark side to this business, but there are dark sides to a lot of other businesses too. I recently read somewhere in a news article that the “happy hooker” is just a myth and it’s all a lie. No matter what we are all “victims” of “the game” (I really hate that term!) Sorry, but the girls I know are definitely not a myth and are not miserable. So please go help those who need the help (I would even like to help too), but don’t group us all into the category of being trapped or wanting out. I’m happy right where I am for now, and I can do whatever I want when I so chose.