The Las Vegas Courtesan

I mentioned in my Twitter a hint to planning a bachelor party: don’t book your party to stay on the same floor as your future wife’s bachelorette party. Seems like pretty common sense right? Well apparently some people aren’t born with such gifts! I got a call around 2AM to go to Circus Circus from an agency that usually books from referrals only. I pull in, the phone girl verifies the client is in the room, and I get the room number to go up. As I get into the elevator, two girls dressed up for the night (yet minus their heels as so many Vegas girls end up doing from walking all night in new heels and have untrained feet) pushes their way into the elevator as the doors closed. One was drunkenly babbling about being mad at her boyfriend, and I really wasn’t paying attention until I heard one of the drunken girls say, “What room is he in? I’m gonna KILL him if there is someone in there!!” and proceeds to ramble out the exact room number I am going to. Oh lord. I double-check my phone to make sure that the long room number matches, and it definitely does. I’m stuck and can’t hit another floor number since I was first on, so I had to think of some sort of plan to not seem obvious.

The doors open and the girls barge their way out first and go towards the room but are met in the hall by two guys. I didn’t even really look down to that end of the hall, but I turned the other direction going towards some random room while fake fumbling through my purse. After fumbling for a minute I pick up my phone and call the service as I hear one of the girls at the end yelling, “I HATE YOU. I can’t trust you for anything! I wanna go in there… I know you got some hooker in your room!” I explained to the phone girl what was going on and she called the room. Yelling was still going on but the guy who answered the phone explained it was just him in the room and the argument was with his brother outside. I kept fumbling for an imaginary room key while talking and noticed the two drunken girls were now stomping towards me. Oh crap. They were still a ways off but had definitely passed their turn off to the elevator. I spoke a little louder on the phone, “Really, I have NO idea where the hell I put my key. I’m looking everywhere!”

The girls got about 5-10 feet away and I heard the more sober one mumble, “You don’t know if she is…” but pulled the angry drunken friend back when she heard me blabbing about my lost key. I looked up just in time to give some confused look, still babbling on the phone, and watch them head back to the elevators. Whew!

The girls eventually get on the elevators after yelling a few more incoherent things to the two guys, and I wander back down the hall towards the two guys and elevators (come to find out was the bachelor and father of the groom-to-be). I met them in the middle and said, “Wow I don’t know what that was but who called?” and they explain the entertainment is for the brother in the room, who apparently has been single for years and spent too much at the club for dances. This was a surprise for him, but since the bachelor and brother share a room the bride-to-be thought there was some hanky panky going on with the bachelor, not the future brother-in-law.
In the end? The call worked out fine with the brother (no angry drunken girl interruptions), and he made the whole mess clear to me. Come to find out the bachelorette party and bachelor party were doing their activities separately, but some smart member of the family had booked everything on the same floor in the hotel. So the bachelor was going to strip clubs, while the bachelorette was getting drunk and creating conspiracies that had her believing her fiancé was banging hookers back in the room.  I wonder how that marriage will turn out!

I was fairly pleased with the outcome of CES this year. It was so slow before then that I was starting to worry about the start of the new year. I know that in years past when I have been here for CES I was quite disappointed, but this year it put a little pep in my step.

I had noticed a ton more girls freelancing in the casinos and the variety that seems sort of out of place for the usual Vegas prostitutes. I had some image in my head of a venturesome group of pimps in Southern California who thought it would be a good idea to pack up their girls in airport shuttle vans and take them all to Las Vegas for the convention weekend and drop them off.  Another thing I wondered as I watched two girls walking around in matching gold hot pants/romper outfits who were definitely porn stars, was “How many of these porn star girls or porn groupies get arrested by vice because they are being overly sexual yet breaking no laws?”  Haven’t heard or read any figures on that one but if I do I will definitely post them.  I am sure there are quite a few mix-ups and the porn girls get mistaken for prostitutes.

So I had posted an update on my Twitter about being amazed at people who are so in the dark about basic sexual education or human interaction. The client was a conventioneer visiting from a New England state but had moved to the US from India 7 years ago.  He first started by replying to my greeting of, “Hi, How are you?” with, “How much are your services”? Since I was there for an agency I had to slow him down, collect the agency fee first, and then move on from there. He reluctantly gave me the fee since he assumed I was having sex for the agencies money. Then after he stripped down and I stripped down he was all over me like a kid in a candy store. I had to calm him down since he was getting way too carried away, grabbing forcefully, and looked like he was about to lick me like a dog.  He calmed down, apologized for being excited (which is okay of course!), got to talking about entertainment and what budget he wanted to work with.  Right off the bat he was asking for almost two hours of full service for barely over what the company was making (which I think was around $100). I said I would be more than happy to please him but his demands were way off. He finally understood why his money wasn’t buying so much but said that was okay, he liked me too much for me to go.

Excellent!

So I excused myself to the restroom and he followed me saying, “Do you have to pee? Can I watch? I want to see!” and was forcing the bathroom door open as I was trying to close it. I explained that would not be included with what he paid, he sighed and went back to the room. After I finished, I told him it was his turn to clean up since his terrible comb over was matted with oil from not washing it and deemed a good rinse off.

So… as for the actual entertainment it went quickly and was minimal, but what got me afterwards were his questions. This poor guy was completely lost. He first asked me about my “vagina”, as he put it politely. He asked, “Where do girls pee from? Is that what the clitoris is for? I have heard about it feeling good”.  I was shocked but didn’t want to make him feel bad for being uneducated and explained what the clitoris was for and how we peed from underneath. His next question was about dating. He asked, “How do I date? What do girls like?”  I had to answer this question carefully because he was in desperate need of a haircut (I say shave it all off don’t mess with what little hair you have left!), had a huge long beard I could tell was tucked like most Indian men who are Sikh (but he claimed he wasn’t), and needed some brow trimming (had one brow, not two!). I told him he should go out, find someone good, and treat himself to a day of pampering. I told him girls like guys who are confident and who take care of themselves so treat yourself well and maybe get a new more confident look. He was happy with my suggestions and went on to ask, “So where do I find dates?”  I kind of giggled at the question but really had no clue.  I only gave him the suggestion of staying away from bars and he thought maybe the internet would be better.

Did I mention this guy was almost 40?

It shocked me at the time that he would be so uneducated and opened my eyes more to how other cultures treat sex education as a sin and avoid it almost completely. Hope my suggestions helped!

So you did it! You finally got the courage up and called one of those cards on the Strip a site from the Internet and decided that the fee sounded good and you told the girl or agency to send you someone.  A lot of people are nervous when they have to meet a girl and don’t know what to do or how to act. People are especially worried when the hotel they are staying at requires the guest to have someone pick them up downstairs and show a room key.  Hopefully I can give some good pointers on how you should and should NOT greet your date.

Sometimes when I meet with people downstairs their manners make me cringe and want to hide in a hole. By way of examples, some things you shouldn’t do:

Don’t greet your girl with a handshake

This sounds so obvious but so so many times when I find the guy who I am meeting he sticks out his hand to shake mine. I have to do a polite grabbing of the hand and pulling him close for a hug because I am supposed to “know” this person not just meeting them and going straight upstairs.  It looks so obvious and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.   What should you do? Go to the girl and maybe give a small hug, or say, “Hi how are you? Did you have fun tonight?” or something else that makes it seem like we know each other.

Don’t ask the girl in a loud boisterous voice, “Are you so-and so!?”

It’s okay to make sure you have the right girl, but keep your voice down and be a little more discreet. Also don’t introduce yourself as, “Hi, I’m John it’s so nice to meet you” for the same reasons as above.  Save the introductions for in the room behind closed doors. There will be plenty of time getting to know each other once you get upstairs.

Don’t ever ever bring up money downstairs

Another one that should be obvious but happens a lot –  If you are confused on fees and such, just take the time and ask the girl in private once you are upstairs your room. This will save a lot of embarrassment for both you and the girl.

If you don’t like the girl don’t make a big scene about it downstairs

If you asked for a tall hot blonde and the agency was foolish by sending you a short Hispanic girl, for example, don’t make a scene about it (especially in front of security at the elevators). Either take a walk with her and explain in a low voice you were looking for a different type of girl or politely take her upstairs and explain. By taking her upstairs you can explain what you want more clearly, and if you feel so inclined, giving her gas/taxi money would be polite as well. Girls just go where they were told to go by the phone girls and usually have no idea what request you gave to the agency, so don’t take it out on the escort. She is usually just as confused or upset as you are, as her time has been wasted too… just like yours has.

One thing you definitely should do:

Give the girl on the phone (when you must get them downstairs) a good description of what you look like and get a good description of the girl.. maybe even change clothes so you don’t look like everyone else wearing a black shirt and jeans. This makes it easy for both parties to meet in a timely manner, reduces any confusion, and most importantly helps keep everything very discreet and professional.

I hope this helps some people when getting a girl in Vegas from an agency or the Internet. It’s okay if you don’t know how things work but understanding these pointers helps a lot so no one feels embarrassed!

This is kind of a funny story to me but may make others cringe. Let’s just say I learned my lesson…

I got a call from an agency last week and the phone girl sent me over to Hooters Hotel and Casino. I get the room information, get the company fee pretty quickly, and find out the guy is working with a small budget along (I think the company was going to make more than me!) but worked out a deal. The guy apologized knowing that he wasn’t going to be in for much but a hand job, but said it was all right since he was so extremely drunk he knew he would have some performance issues if sex was involved anyway. Worked out perfectly.

I put on a condom with lube in it and more lube on the outside and try to work some life back into his drunken dick. It eventually worked and he ended up finishing surprisingly. He kept complimenting me on how nice I was and how hot he thought I was but then when cleaning himself off his eyes got BIG. He yelps, “What WAS that you put on my dick?!?! Warming gel.. oh my god my dick is on FIRE” and hops up towards the bathroom. Suddenly he wasn’t drunk and was speaking in un-slurred English. What is he talking about? I hate warming lube and never use it. Then it dawns on me and my mind rewinds about 2 hours at home…

Earlier I was making myself some food to snack on for the week while I’m out on calls and have no time to stop to grab food. This snack includes me chopping up a fresh hot red fresno pepper finely to spice up my meal. A little forgotten fact is when you chop peppers those oils seep into your skin, hence my now burning client. Oh my what have I done. I totally had killed his buzz and whatever happiness was from ejaculating. When I realized my mistake explained he tried smiling but it was hard to do. Embarrassed, I left in more of a hurry. Lesson learned! Wear gloves when chopping peppers next time on a work night.