The Las Vegas Courtesan

This is kind of a funny story to me but may make others cringe. Let’s just say I learned my lesson…

I got a call from an agency last week and the phone girl sent me over to Hooters Hotel and Casino. I get the room information, get the company fee pretty quickly, and find out the guy is working with a small budget along (I think the company was going to make more than me!) but worked out a deal. The guy apologized knowing that he wasn’t going to be in for much but a hand job, but said it was all right since he was so extremely drunk he knew he would have some performance issues if sex was involved anyway. Worked out perfectly.

I put on a condom with lube in it and more lube on the outside and try to work some life back into his drunken dick. It eventually worked and he ended up finishing surprisingly. He kept complimenting me on how nice I was and how hot he thought I was but then when cleaning himself off his eyes got BIG. He yelps, “What WAS that you put on my dick?!?! Warming gel.. oh my god my dick is on FIRE” and hops up towards the bathroom. Suddenly he wasn’t drunk and was speaking in un-slurred English. What is he talking about? I hate warming lube and never use it. Then it dawns on me and my mind rewinds about 2 hours at home…

Earlier I was making myself some food to snack on for the week while I’m out on calls and have no time to stop to grab food. This snack includes me chopping up a fresh hot red fresno pepper finely to spice up my meal. A little forgotten fact is when you chop peppers those oils seep into your skin, hence my now burning client. Oh my what have I done. I totally had killed his buzz and whatever happiness was from ejaculating. When I realized my mistake explained he tried smiling but it was hard to do. Embarrassed, I left in more of a hurry. Lesson learned! Wear gloves when chopping peppers next time on a work night.

People constantly ask me, “What is the craziest thing you’ve ever seen or been asked to do?” Somehow this question is the second or third question in a group that I get asked a lot. Usually people’s first question or statement is, ”I bet you get a lot of fat ugly old men, huh?” followed by, “What if you show up and the guy is really disgusting?” and then comes the always popular, “I bet people ask you for some crazy stuff”.

As for the crazy requests, no I don’t get a whole lot of them. I seem to read blogs of girls who get more specific requests in their home city maybe because the guy is more comfortable there? I’m not sure what the reason is, but out of the 5 years I’ve been an escort, I don’t have an absurd number of off the wall requests to tell about (well except in emails I get quite a few but they don’t go happen since I think people fantasize more than follow through on the act). Anyway, onto the story!

A service called and said I was meeting another girl at the Imperial Palace for a bachelor party. When we walked in we were greeted by 10-12 young guys squished into one standard room at the hotel (quite small!) but immediately went to talking to the guy in charge away from the bachelor. We got the company fee out of the way and did our strip for the room full of anxious guys.  Once we were comfortable, we started talking about what kind of party they were interested in and what kind of budget they were working with.  They were on a tight budget but then the bachelor gets some crazy idea and says he has a thing with food. Food? He points to the pizzas they had left over from dinner and claimed, “It would be really hot if I could throw pizza toppings at your asses bent over on the bed”.  I was stumped… really? He replied with, “Yea I will pay one of you $100 bucks to do it”. The other girl was eager and yelled, “I will!” while I wasn’t too thrilled of pepperoni being flung at my cheeks. Everyone was laughing and giggling at the proposition while she got in position on the bed. I turned around to watch the crowd of guys while the bachelor did this because I had a sneaking suspicion of what their real plan was: record or take pictures as part of the joke.  I kept an eye and sure enough two guys were trying to hide behind each other and sneak cameras to take pictures of the funny action.

I pointed it out, “Ok guys … no photos please”. Immediately the bachelor stops mid throw and gets irate, “What do you mean no photos!? It’s my party!” and proceeds to get seriously pissed off at me and the other girl because we are so rude to ask for no photos to be taken. He yelled, “just GET OUT, just LEAVE”. My policy is you only have to ask me once to leave so we were out the door in a minute.   At the end I just giggled and thought who really wants to become the next YouTube sensation? I think we would pass!

Last night was frustrating and busy at the same time. With the marathon going, road closures people freaked out and half of the casinos were completely impassable. That left all of the calls to off Strip locations or anything on the East side of the Strip. I stayed busy pretty late and did well but thrown in the middle had to have been one of the worst prank calls someone has played on the service.

I went to the Hampton Inn for a service and was informed that it was one older guy  (I don’t know why they even bother with saying  “older” when most of the time the guy ends up being 25) and should be a pretty good call. I drive over there avoiding any closures I could, she gives me the room number and says she just got off the phone with him so he’s definitely in the room. I go upstairs and as I get off the elevator I see two younger guys walking down a hall in the opposite direction carrying something. I don’t think of it since she said the customer was older. I go to knock on the door and… I knock some more. No answer! I saw someone peek around the corner but still thought nothing of it. I call the service and tell her the situation and as she calls the customers cell phone, the door flies open and there stands a woman who is in her third trimester who woke out of a deep sleep. She invites me in since I know the name of her husband who is waking in the bed. After I say to the phone girl “this is a damn prank”, the wife informs me they are there with a bunch of military guys and picks up her phone to call exactly the guy who prank called in the first place (I guess they do dumb stuff constantly). I hear giggling at the end of the hallway and confirm to the phone girl that indeed this is a terrible prank that just got pulled on a husband and very pregnant wife.  I felt kinda bad for her but she actually felt worse for wasting my time! She walked me downstairs and said, “I swear I will kill those guys for messing with you”. How sweet ☺

Don’t get me wrong, people prank call a lot to their friends but usually once the guys start giggling and hanging up its pretty obvious… or they call the room and the guy they are pulling the prank on is irate that someone keeps calling them saying a girl is coming up to see them.  I can’t believe how rude someone could be, though, to pull one on a pregnant woman!