The Las Vegas Courtesan

So I’ve seen a bachelor dressed up in an Elvis costume too drunk to know his own name, and a bachelor that was so passed out he woke up swinging at his best friends, but I have never seen this amount of embarrassment or brotherly camaraderie as long as I have lived and worked in Vegas, and for some odd reason two of the three parties were British. All three of these parties by the way, occurred within two weekends:

The first party was at the Hard Rock, the guy who came downstairs to get me and four other girls (yes, 5 of us, and we all were not too pleased about the number of girls) , was a super nice guy from London and took us right upstairs and immediately gave us the crazy expensive company fee. In the next room were 12-14 loud, unruly Brits who apparently were all broke but wanted their friend to have the best time, just don’t embarrass him too much. Since we didn’t get tipped much at all upfront, we did a quick pile up dance on the bachelor and got him down to his boxers like we all normally do on bachelor parties. I noticed his silky boxer briefs had a photo of himself on it with the words, “I’m With Tim” underneath the photo. I laughed and said, “How cute did your friends make you those?” and he said, “Yes, actually…. HEY EVERYBODY DROP TROU AND SHOW THEM!” I turn around to see 12 guys at attention, all simultaneously unbuckling their pants and pulling their pants down. I felt like I was in a movie watching the synchronized pants-dropping, but sure enough all of the guys were wearing matching boxers with their buddy’s picture only 3 inches away from their own package. They must have practiced this moment together back home because they seemed to chime in   “Yea! Cause we’re with Tim!” I almost died laughing.

The second party, and I think the most funny, was also a group of British guys staying on the strip. I show up and due to some misunderstanding by the phone girl and best man, I am the only girl and there are 12 of them. I quickly explain to the best man 4-5 guys can stay but since they were in a bit of a hurry and on a tight budget, I couldn’t get another girl there in time. Since there were only a few guys chipping in they did what I said, paid the fee, and had enough of a tip for me to do a quick show for the bachelor. This is when the best man informs me of what the bachelor was wearing UNDER his pants: remote controlled, vibrating, black thong underwear. I giggled and wanted to see this for myself. Sure enough when I got him undressed in front of his friends, there was a vibrating thong that barely covered anything. The buzzing of the vibrator kept going off as his hysterically laughing friends kept mashing on the buttons of the remote from the couch. The bachelor nervously giggled and tried hiding what he could with his hands. I only kept this public humiliation up for a few minutes since he obviously wasn’t having fun trying to hold himself into the tiny thong. Luckily the best man tipped more so he could have more private time sans thong.

The last party was a tame group of guys staying in a suite. The best man/brother of the groom apparently was a rookie at planning bachelor parties and had gone online to order a bunch of party supplies, but ended up getting all of the items a bachelorETTE party would have. This usually entails of anything and everything with a penis on it. You’ll see these girls parading up and down the Strip with their penis straws and blinking penis necklaces. So I guess the brother went online and didn’t see vagina shaped supplies so he figured the penis shaped items would be okay instead. I almost died laughing when I saw these exact slippers on the floor. In the bathroom was toilet paper with sex positions on it and on the bar were penis shaped cocktail stirrers. The girl with me could not stop giggling which was contagious for me and I couldn’t stop. The best man didn’t get it until we explained what the penis items are REALLY for. He said, “Well, I couldn’t find much else!” I’m sure he’ll be better prepared the next time he helps throw a party.

So you did it! You finally got the courage up and called one of those cards on the Strip a site from the Internet and decided that the fee sounded good and you told the girl or agency to send you someone.  A lot of people are nervous when they have to meet a girl and don’t know what to do or how to act. People are especially worried when the hotel they are staying at requires the guest to have someone pick them up downstairs and show a room key.  Hopefully I can give some good pointers on how you should and should NOT greet your date.

Sometimes when I meet with people downstairs their manners make me cringe and want to hide in a hole. By way of examples, some things you shouldn’t do:

Don’t greet your girl with a handshake

This sounds so obvious but so so many times when I find the guy who I am meeting he sticks out his hand to shake mine. I have to do a polite grabbing of the hand and pulling him close for a hug because I am supposed to “know” this person not just meeting them and going straight upstairs.  It looks so obvious and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.   What should you do? Go to the girl and maybe give a small hug, or say, “Hi how are you? Did you have fun tonight?” or something else that makes it seem like we know each other.

Don’t ask the girl in a loud boisterous voice, “Are you so-and so!?”

It’s okay to make sure you have the right girl, but keep your voice down and be a little more discreet. Also don’t introduce yourself as, “Hi, I’m John it’s so nice to meet you” for the same reasons as above.  Save the introductions for in the room behind closed doors. There will be plenty of time getting to know each other once you get upstairs.

Don’t ever ever bring up money downstairs

Another one that should be obvious but happens a lot –  If you are confused on fees and such, just take the time and ask the girl in private once you are upstairs your room. This will save a lot of embarrassment for both you and the girl.

If you don’t like the girl don’t make a big scene about it downstairs

If you asked for a tall hot blonde and the agency was foolish by sending you a short Hispanic girl, for example, don’t make a scene about it (especially in front of security at the elevators). Either take a walk with her and explain in a low voice you were looking for a different type of girl or politely take her upstairs and explain. By taking her upstairs you can explain what you want more clearly, and if you feel so inclined, giving her gas/taxi money would be polite as well. Girls just go where they were told to go by the phone girls and usually have no idea what request you gave to the agency, so don’t take it out on the escort. She is usually just as confused or upset as you are, as her time has been wasted too… just like yours has.

One thing you definitely should do:

Give the girl on the phone (when you must get them downstairs) a good description of what you look like and get a good description of the girl.. maybe even change clothes so you don’t look like everyone else wearing a black shirt and jeans. This makes it easy for both parties to meet in a timely manner, reduces any confusion, and most importantly helps keep everything very discreet and professional.

I hope this helps some people when getting a girl in Vegas from an agency or the Internet. It’s okay if you don’t know how things work but understanding these pointers helps a lot so no one feels embarrassed!

So, typically during the summer time it gets a little slower around town. Families come here for their vacations, the conventions are over, and everyone kind of moves a little slower like your shoes have tar on the bottom of them from the heat of the desert. I’m used to this season after working for several summers now, but this one just baffles me. Since the 4th of July it has gotten slow, and when I say slow I mean like the previous years usual slow months (typically September and December).  I am used to quite a few calls still coming in during the summer but people just aren’t big spenders…. This year? Not many calls at all and the one’s I am getting seem like every excuse in the book is used to not actually follow through with entertainment.

So what happens when it gets slow? Girls get bored and start making risky moves by soliciting in casinos they normally would have been afraid of just because everything else isn’t working out. Who else gets bored? Cops. In recent weeks I have hear a couple of insane stories and for once they weren’t just from dancers. They were from a valet guy at a very prominent high end Strip hotel.  This boredom of the men in black has now turned to the seriously innocent casino workers who struggle to keep their jobs every day and were trying to make a little extra tip money. Supposedly some girls drive up to valet attendants at Strip hotels and ask the valet guys for heads up if “the coast is clear” which to me is kind of silly because that’s really not trustworthy information in my opinion. Either way the word spread to the authorities and they had one of their female officers driving through to the valet asking if the “coast is clear” and if the valet gave the girl any information about a bust going on or not, the attendant was arrested. Right there at his job in front of God and the recording devices. Of course the employee would be fired and probably could never get a job at another Strip hotel again. What would a charge for that be? Aiding and abetting supposedly though it makes no sense because the employee would have no idea for sure what was going on inside of the casino pertaining to a bust or not. I hope they got a good lawyer and even so, that arrest alone would screw up their life. This story made me so mad when I heard it…

I just don’t get how these types of law enforcements are really doing anything for the general safety of the public. It’s a guy working the valet at a casino, not dealing drugs, not stealing and not kidnapping kids. So what is the big deal?

This story is an old one and never had someone give me such an ultimatum before even meeting them. I remember this one the most because I was new to escorting and was really green with clients and what they requested.

I go to the Rio hotel and call up to the room to have the customer meet me downstairs since security always would check keys there. He thankfully answers the phone and says, “Well… did you bring them?” Huh? I am confused and since this horrible company would never tell me what the client wanted or requested before I showed up (they were really terrible at that and made things embarrassing) I had to shyly reply, “Uhm no… I don’t know what you’re talking about”. He sighs and says, “I will ONLY come get you if you have a pair of stockings … don’t fool me if you don’t have them then I will kick you out, you understand? Call me back as soon as you get them and I will come get you” and hangs up the phone before I can say another word.

Unknown to him, he is lucky I have $5 in my purse and run into the gift shop where they have a cheap pair of stockings. I reluctantly buy them (you never know if they will even spend the $5 to recover your losses) and call him back. He asks again, “You have them? I’m only coming down if you do, so you better…” I told him yes and suddenly got nervous. This guy’s tone is more demanding than anyone I had met at this point and it worried me, what if this doesn’t work out?

He comes to get me and we go upstairs. He easily gives the fee and tips less than average for a fetish request but enough that I make things work out. What did he end up only wanting to do? For me to wear the stockings and rub them on his legs while he masturbated. In the end it was easy for such a stern guy from the beginning. Of course looking back on this now being in the business for years, this wouldn’t seem demanding at all… just his attitude made me nervous.