The Las Vegas Courtesan

So I lied the other day and said it was slow here in Vegas. I just *thought* it was slow then! Friday night proved to be a chorus of crickets chirping and I ended up hanging out with some friends later on in the night which I regret now since I missed Saturday day and night. I also ended up not getting my butt out to the Nevada caucus at 11am due to… well I probably couldn’t drive.  Shame on me. All of the harassing phone calls by Hillary Clinton’s and Barack Obama’s campaign and my local precinct organizer didn’t pay off because really… Saturday morning was a dumb time to have a caucus in Las Vegas. Really. They should have had it at 7pm on a Monday or something. By that time we have all sobered up from the weekend, people who have regular jobs during the daytime can go and the night owls should be awake by then. Simple plan! If that was the time then I am sure 90% of residents would have been there! Make it 100% if you add a cash bar with martini’s poured by our randy Mayor Oscar Goodman and some bar nuts. Bingo! Biggest turn out in *America*

I had actually considered showing up drunken and in slutty clothes but that would have been a $20 cab ride from where I was. I figured that would have been very Vegas and American of me to show up in that condition… but alas, I don’t think I would have been able to stand it. Cast a vote drunk? Yes… Stay for a caucus thing that takes more than 5 minutes? No…. that’s too much drunken effort.  Well I definitely will be present in November.. and with bells on.

Here ya go… my rule #2 of etiquette when calling a girl in Las Vegas

#2:  When you are quoted a minimum on the phone, have it when the girl arrives.

It’s as easy as that! You’d think all of the shopping around and talking people do when trying to find a girl that they would have at least the amount quoted on the phone. Otherwise, why bother? When customers call me to inquire how it all works in Las Vegas I quote them a minimum price to get me there, naked, comfortable and start some dances. Since I am very careful about my choice of words this is all I am able to really solicit legally over the phone. I explain that any other entertainment and time is negotiated in person and in private (I have to make sure that I am not going to be soliciting a vice officer) but if for whatever reason things don’t work out when I first show up.. I leave at no charge to people.

My #1 pet peve is when people call me and say that my minimum is okay and understand what that all entails. Then when finally meeting up with said client, they don’t even have the minimum and want to try to re-negotiate that price. I make it clear and they agree and understand.. then don’t? No girl likes their time to be wasted and you never know when you’ll get a girl who has a short fuse. I don’t but not every girl is nice as sugar and spice.

This is a very important rule! Always be courteous and have the minimum if you schedule an appointment.

I get lots of calls from lots of different people from my web ads. Some nervous and fumbling over words only to get out, “how much?” while others are pompous and act offended that I just don’t incriminate myself over the phone with a detailed menu. Whatever the case may be, here’s a few pointers I am making into a mini-series of entries of what NOT to do when calling.

#1: Don’t book a call many months in advance
This just makes me want to giggle when I get calls in December about some trip they are planning for August. I ask where they think they might be staying or what is the purpose of their trip and they have no clue. Yes, I do think they are just calling to see if there is really a girl in Vegas who is going to answer the phone but sometimes I think the guy just gets so excited they are escaping from whatever torturous town they are living in to come to Sin City and decide to line up a girl *first* before anything else.
Yesterday I got a call from a girl here locally who is a newlywed and “more experienced” than her husband (who is many years younger). She said she wanted it to be a surprise for him for their next years anniversary. I said “Oh when is your anniversary?” she replies, “January 25th or so”. I thought to myself, “oh okay.. in a week which is for their upcoming year” but I decide to make sure and ask, “so in a week?”
“Oh no.. next year.. like 2009”
It took a lot to hold that giggle back. Well, at least she will have time to save for it.

And for your information, the longest time from a booked call to the actual meet up date in person has been 2 weeks, tops. Maybe in other cities pre-booking so far in advance works, but here where people’s attention span goes right out the window the second they land at McCarren Airport.. it just never ends up working out.

Stay tuned for the rest of this series!

So the last entry where I posted an item of what you shouldn’t do with an escort I jokingly said #34. I guess this time I will actually count them in order!

Reason #2: Don’t have your kid in the same room when calling an escort.

Yes, as shocking as it may be, there are idiotic parents who have actually called for a hooker while their child sleeps in the next bed. This has happened to me at least three times in 4-5 years. In fact I think I have had LESS father/older virgin son duos than people who have young children in the room.

One time was a few years ago when a couple called at Excalibur. I went and when I walked in I noticed there was some sort of fort of pillows between the bed they sat on and the next one over. I realized that a little boy and girl between 3-7 yrs old were sleeping in their pajamas behind that fort. I gasped and said, “are those your children?” and they replied “yes” and started muttering some excuse of how they won’t wake. I said there is no way I am endangering myself or them by staying here. I felt like going off on the couple and giving them a piece of my mind to even THINK of doing such a thing but I shut my mouth and left.

There was one other time in between that call and the latest one but it doesn’t exactly come to mind. The latest call was a man who was staying way out on the north side in a La Quinta. When its a good 25 minute one way drive to a hotel from the Strip girls always like for it to be worth the drive and not a waste. I arrived only knowing the previous girl didn’t match the description he gave. The man answered the door and immediately shooshed me and asked if we can talk in the hall. I never talk in hallways just because … well it’s not private. So we stepped back inside where he informs me to keep it down since his 5 yr old daughter is sleeping on the couch in the pitch black room. Yet again I am just as shocked as I was in the previous incident … I said I absolutely will not stay. I would be thrown *under* a jail somewhere if a law enforcement official caught wind of what was going on. What ticked me off even more was the guy lied and said to the previous girl that the daughter was in the next room (like an adjoining suite) but in fact.. she was just on the couch in the same room.

I am sure plenty of other people will be shocked just as I was… parents are sometimes astonishing.