The Las Vegas Courtesan

Been quite busy lately, and I will admit that Twitter has made me somewhat of a lazy blogger! It’s a shame I know, but at least it’s a good way of keeping up with what I am doing. Like I was saying on there I am pretty excited for this upcoming week with some big conventions in town. This past Monday-Tuesday I was actually quite bored and had some down time, which I took the opportunity to watch “Girlfriend Experience”. I had heard some good words about it and since it was Steven Soderbergh, I figured it was worth a watch.

First of all I liked the way it was shot. The photography of the film is dark and rich in colors, which is something I always like in photography in general. Some of the out of focus shots I liked but one in particular shot in a bar scene was more annoying than artistic, but the nice contrast and feel in colors throughout the film I enjoyed.

The one thing I always have a hard time with shows about escorts or prostitutes is the believability of the characters and of the script. I feel the same disconnection when I watch Secret Diary of a Call Girl as well (which I need to watch on my DVR the new season 3!), and almost watch these shows or films as complete fiction and imagine a man wrote the screenplays. Some things that I found frustrating in the film was the poor acting by Sasha Grey despite the good reviews on the cover (I know those are always slanted). She came across as this emotionless, dull, and an easily manipulated character. At first I thought they were trying to portray her as a smart independent escort then I came to realize that she was written as a clueless, emotionless drone who let people tell her what to do and how to do her job, and believed every word they said. That disturbed me (especially the parts with the manipulative hobbyist that we’ve all read on message boards), since she fell into the trap of his game of trying to increase her traffic from websites or message boards. It shows these types of people that if you play games like the hobbyist did maybe the girl will actually be dumb enough to fall for their scheme. The line where he said, “I don’t think you realize what I can do for you” made me literally laugh out loud because I have heard silly lines like this all the time. Makes me respond, “I don’t think you realize what I can do for myself!”

Other things I thought were a misrepresentation were the listing of outfits and brand names like we are all very materialistic hookers only concerned with how much we can spend on name brands for the clients (most girls I know buy the expensive bags and shoes just for themselves to feed their shopaholic side not to flaunt to the client). In fact I have had some clients say, “I like girls who dress up and look like nice, normal women, but when I see a girl overly dressed in high end fashion it makes me feel less comfortable”, but of course to each their own. Another unrealistic thing is the screening process she went through with client from the website. Are you married? How many children do you have? I would have probably hung up on her immediately. Men want to escape to someone else’s company, not feel guilty about their personal life at home.

Seems like I am being quite negative about the film, but the very emotionless attitude of the main escort’s character bugged me as if to say we are all somewhat miserable and bored, and can’t be a happy cheery escort providing a service to people. The one part I did identify with the film was the way the conversations between her and some of the clients went. Most people like to vent and have someone listen, which I do a lot of, but I also enjoy participating in the conversation and seem interested than just sit there saying, “Yea, uh huh” every so often like she did.

So in conclusion, I think it’s a good stab at making a film that was about an escort’s life but fell pretty short. The cinematography was quality but the script and screening of actors could have used some work. I wish I could sit in and help Hollywood make a decent, realistic film… maybe one day 🙂

I get asked this question quite a bit by nervous guys who feel like they are somehow inadequate to women and figure who better to ask than a girl who sees a lot of penises? I can see their reasoning’s why I might be a good person to ask….

I really started thinking about it when a Chinese guy in his early 20’s struck up a conversation while I was getting ready to leave.  He is going to school in the states for a few years and had observed some things, but was especially concerned about the discussion of penis size.  I think he had seen some pornographic movies since living here and asked, “So white men, they are like this long, huh?” and held up his hands to make a length of almost a FOOT. I almost died laughing watching him try to judge what he thought was the normal size of other men. Then he went on to say, “because I know… Chinese man is very small, huh?” I said to him that I don’t know what he watched or what he was judging it on, but if he was basing it on watching porno movies since living in the US then he shouldn’t be so concerned. I think the men that are in said movies are approximately 2% of the population and since they seem to last longer sometimes (I know they do several shots and takes to make it seem like they come once an hour) I think the size + stamina drops the stats down even further.  Maybe I am wrong, but I very very rarely see men who could audition for some sort of porn movie role.  Sounds crazy but true.

The average client I see has a penis between the length of 4-6 inches. The typical stamina of clients is fairly quick, which goes along with some statistics I read that the average man lasts 4-6 minutes. I think sometimes things last longer, here in Vegas, just because of the amount of drinking and partying that people do and THEN decide to call a prostitute. Usually those people can’t finish or get it up. I can usually tell this is going to happen within the first 2 minutes of starting to entertain a guy. Back to penis size though… I know a lot of people will disagree with my numbers but here’s my theory: maybe men who are significantly larger have more self confidence and they don’t feel the need to use the services of a prostitute or maybe they feel like they have something to prove and won’t use their services.  The one thing that shocks me the most though is the number of men who look like their penis was marred by a bad circumcision.  I see quite a few that point weird directions, come to a small point like a rocket, have super skinny shafts but a big mushroom head or vice versa, and the most painful of all: are hooked almost as much as Gonzo’s nose on the Muppets.

Either way, I hope I dismissed some myths and I know I definitely gave a little more confidence to the Chinese student by assuring him that he was normal and don’t worry about competing with the porn stars.

So you did it! You finally got the courage up and called one of those cards on the Strip a site from the Internet and decided that the fee sounded good and you told the girl or agency to send you someone.  A lot of people are nervous when they have to meet a girl and don’t know what to do or how to act. People are especially worried when the hotel they are staying at requires the guest to have someone pick them up downstairs and show a room key.  Hopefully I can give some good pointers on how you should and should NOT greet your date.

Sometimes when I meet with people downstairs their manners make me cringe and want to hide in a hole. By way of examples, some things you shouldn’t do:

Don’t greet your girl with a handshake

This sounds so obvious but so so many times when I find the guy who I am meeting he sticks out his hand to shake mine. I have to do a polite grabbing of the hand and pulling him close for a hug because I am supposed to “know” this person not just meeting them and going straight upstairs.  It looks so obvious and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.   What should you do? Go to the girl and maybe give a small hug, or say, “Hi how are you? Did you have fun tonight?” or something else that makes it seem like we know each other.

Don’t ask the girl in a loud boisterous voice, “Are you so-and so!?”

It’s okay to make sure you have the right girl, but keep your voice down and be a little more discreet. Also don’t introduce yourself as, “Hi, I’m John it’s so nice to meet you” for the same reasons as above.  Save the introductions for in the room behind closed doors. There will be plenty of time getting to know each other once you get upstairs.

Don’t ever ever bring up money downstairs

Another one that should be obvious but happens a lot –  If you are confused on fees and such, just take the time and ask the girl in private once you are upstairs your room. This will save a lot of embarrassment for both you and the girl.

If you don’t like the girl don’t make a big scene about it downstairs

If you asked for a tall hot blonde and the agency was foolish by sending you a short Hispanic girl, for example, don’t make a scene about it (especially in front of security at the elevators). Either take a walk with her and explain in a low voice you were looking for a different type of girl or politely take her upstairs and explain. By taking her upstairs you can explain what you want more clearly, and if you feel so inclined, giving her gas/taxi money would be polite as well. Girls just go where they were told to go by the phone girls and usually have no idea what request you gave to the agency, so don’t take it out on the escort. She is usually just as confused or upset as you are, as her time has been wasted too… just like yours has.

One thing you definitely should do:

Give the girl on the phone (when you must get them downstairs) a good description of what you look like and get a good description of the girl.. maybe even change clothes so you don’t look like everyone else wearing a black shirt and jeans. This makes it easy for both parties to meet in a timely manner, reduces any confusion, and most importantly helps keep everything very discreet and professional.

I hope this helps some people when getting a girl in Vegas from an agency or the Internet. It’s okay if you don’t know how things work but understanding these pointers helps a lot so no one feels embarrassed!

This is kind of a funny story to me but may make others cringe. Let’s just say I learned my lesson…

I got a call from an agency last week and the phone girl sent me over to Hooters Hotel and Casino. I get the room information, get the company fee pretty quickly, and find out the guy is working with a small budget along (I think the company was going to make more than me!) but worked out a deal. The guy apologized knowing that he wasn’t going to be in for much but a hand job, but said it was all right since he was so extremely drunk he knew he would have some performance issues if sex was involved anyway. Worked out perfectly.

I put on a condom with lube in it and more lube on the outside and try to work some life back into his drunken dick. It eventually worked and he ended up finishing surprisingly. He kept complimenting me on how nice I was and how hot he thought I was but then when cleaning himself off his eyes got BIG. He yelps, “What WAS that you put on my dick?!?! Warming gel.. oh my god my dick is on FIRE” and hops up towards the bathroom. Suddenly he wasn’t drunk and was speaking in un-slurred English. What is he talking about? I hate warming lube and never use it. Then it dawns on me and my mind rewinds about 2 hours at home…

Earlier I was making myself some food to snack on for the week while I’m out on calls and have no time to stop to grab food. This snack includes me chopping up a fresh hot red fresno pepper finely to spice up my meal. A little forgotten fact is when you chop peppers those oils seep into your skin, hence my now burning client. Oh my what have I done. I totally had killed his buzz and whatever happiness was from ejaculating. When I realized my mistake explained he tried smiling but it was hard to do. Embarrassed, I left in more of a hurry. Lesson learned! Wear gloves when chopping peppers next time on a work night.